Joy is Jesus.

I'm going to be completely honest with you, my friend. The past two weeks have been extremely challenging and continue to be. I feel like these weeks have defeated me and at the end of a long day I fall to my knees in tears wondering why. Why is life so challenging right now? Why are people purposefully hurting my feelings? Why?

Every morning when I woke up the past two weeks, I have recited one of my all time favorite Bible verses, Romans 8:18, "the pain that you have been feeling can't compare to the joy that is coming."

That joy is Jesus and solely Jesus. 

As my faith has been and is still being tested right now, I randomly opened my Bible to the book of James. (let me just tell you, that was so Jesus) Right there on page 1528 of my Bible was the first page of James and at the top of the first chapter it read "Trials and Temptations". Ha, nice one Jesus. Then, right there as I began reading it said this, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..."(James 1:2) PURE JOY? Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to find joy, pure joy when I being emotionally, physically, and spiritually hurt? HOW? I cried, like a hot mess emphasis on the mess cry for a solid ten minutes. I prayed to Jesus with tears pouring out of my eyes that He would reveal Himself to me. In an instant, I thought of reciting Romans 8:18. That I did and right there, He revealed Himself to me by reminding me what joy really means. 

I re-read the second verse of James like this, "Consider Jesus, the pure One, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..."

There it was, lean on Him. Trust Him. Love Him. He is still faithful. He is still Sovereign. He still loves you.  Just look to Him. The verse continues to read, "because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." It doesn't just stop there verse four continues to say, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

We are constantly being formed to who Jesus created us to be.

Later in chapter 1 of James in verse 12 its says this, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."

I urge you to read James 1 and perhaps the rest of the book. There is so much truth that has been spoken into my life tonight via this book.

today I was told.

This is a journal entry from a few weeks back and I had been praying about if I should share it or not and well, as you can see I'm sharing it.

In today’s society people say things they don’t mean, right? I mean that is what they tell you if you confront them about what they told you. They lie to you so they don’t get in trouble. They turn on you.

Right now, I’m broken. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in seventh grade. I overcame depression in ninth grade and came to know Jesus the next summer. My anxiety wasn’t as bad as it used to be. But, I didn’t just get help from Jesus. I was so against the idea of having counselor. You have to be crazy to go to a counselor, right? No. After years of being forced into therapy sessions with therapists and counselors I hated with a passion, I met one that could understand me and Jesus. She knew Jesus too. I was frustrated the minute I stepped into her office but by the end of the hour, I knew I could trust her. I knew that she was going to help me.

I struggled with depression. I will never deny that. It is a very serious illness that is very difficult to treat. It is also hard for those around you because they don’t understand and they don’t know what will set you off. I didn’t want to share this but this is the truth and it is helping me overcome depression still to this day. I had thoughts of suicide in eighth grade. I had no real friends, I didn’t feel like I could trust my parents, I had no adults or leaders to talk to. I thought about it often but never actually considered doing it to myself. After that eighth grade year, I never thought about it again until today.

Why today? Because today I was told to kill myself. You don’t need to know who told me that. That is for me to deal with, personally. But, yes someone had the urge to tell me to kill myself. If I was in eighth grade with the deep depression I had, I probably would have. But today as I was told this and many other things about myself, that I was fat, had no friends, and that is why people don’t like me because I over react. I didn’t freak out when I was told this, I was caught off guard. Who would say such a thing? Especially to a person who has dealt with depression in the past. Well, apparently that person. I sat on the chair with an empty heart. I couldn’t bear to talk or to stand up. All emotions poured out. I cried for the first time in forever. I went to my safe place and sat there awhile. I just couldn’t understand why someone would say such a thing. As I sat there I prayed that Jesus would heal my open scars, that he would fill my heart with Him, and that I remember how much He did for me. As I sat there I remembered the verse that I had posted on instagram that morning. Psalm 143:8, “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”

Resting in Jesus was all I could do, I didn’t want to tell anyone at that point. I spent some time alone, resting and taking time for myself. As dinner came around I went downstairs to talk with my family. We were sitting there talking as I told them what had happened. There is another story to this but it is not mine to share. My parents immediately did not understand. They blamed me. They thought that I was over reacting. So, I did what my counselor and I had worked on. Don’t react, walk out. So, I walked out but they wouldn’t leave me alone. I walked away. Well, actually I drove but that is beside the point. I drove to spot where I go when I am frustrated. I sat there in tears not understanding why my parents don’t understand my side of the story. I called two people I can confide in and both did not answer. I looked up and cried, “why?”. My brain was fried, I couldn’t even think about it anymore. I needed Jesus. I turned on my radio to the Christian music station and the song Lord I Need You came on immediately. (If you don’t know my testimony, worship is a HUGE part to it. It is how I talk with Jesus) I could barely believe my ears. Right there I felt Jesus’ arms wrapped around me. Still in tears and my parents calling me every five seconds the next song came on. Can you guess? Mighty to Save. He is mighty to save. I was in awe at that point. Minutes ago my heart was broken and now, my heart is overflowing with Jesus. As I sat there one of my dearest friends/leaders called me back. I answered not really wanting to talk. I didn’t share every detail of how my day played out but enough for her to remind me that Jesus understands. Literally. I could hear her excitement about sharing the story of Jesus when he was twelve and he stayed behind in Jerusalem while his parents went back home without them knowing. His parents were frustrated and worried as they tried to find Him and when they did, they didn’t understand. People marveled at what Jesus was teaching them yet his own parents couldn’t wrap themselves around it. [Luke 2:41-52]

After we talked about that story she reminded me again of the verse I posted on instagram that morning and how much that verse meant to her when she came to know Christ. We sat and talked on the phone for a little while longer and she prayed for me. When I hung up the phone with her, I was in tears yet again. But this time, they were not tears of brokenness. They were tears of joy and hope. When I went home, I opened my Bible back to Psalm 143. It reads this, “Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you. The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;  destroy all my foes,for I am your servant.”

I prayed this tonight as I read it and I pray that you pray it too. He is faithful, he is my hope, he loves me more than I will ever know. And he is the same for you.

“I will not fear, his promise is true, my God will come through always” from Kristian Stanfill’s song Always

Be willing.

Willing.

God's will. We always say it, we like to think that we are living it...but are we? If you are like me then you've probably prayed about what college you will go to, what job you will have...I think you get the point. We pray that Jesus provides a step by step for us. 

"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail"

{Proverbs 19:21}

But really, what is God's will for us? It's the Great Commission. [insert a dance party with a little N'Sync because the great commission is my favorite] And for those of you who don't know what in the world is this whole Great Commission? Well, here it is.

Turn your Bible to Matthew 28:16-20. Or click on the link and right there in words is God's will for YOU and me.

The verses that grasp my heart are 19 + 20.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

{Matthew 28:19-20}

Jesus says GO & MAKE DISCIPLES of Jesus Christ!

What does it look like to be a disciple of Jesus?

1. Disciples follow Jesus, literally and figuratively.

Go and build relationships with others. We are called to love the unlovable. So, we are called to be with the hungry, the poor, and the sick. It says so in John 13:34-35, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Build the relationships. Grab coffee. Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." 

We, as followers of Jesus, should stick out. We should not conform to the ways of society. Instead of thinking about what is different in everyone else...how about you think about what is different in you? We don't follow things (iPhones, Instagram, Clothes...), we follow Jesus. We put our faith in Him. 

How do we stick out? Read 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

2. Disciples left EVERYTHING to follow Jesus.

"Then Peter spoke up, “We have left everything to follow you!”

 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life."[Mark 10:28-30]

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."[Hebrews 12:1-2]

3. Disciples made mistakes and lacked faith.

But...wait go back to being willing here. Are you willing to follow where Jesus leads you? Are you willing to pick up everything and go? This brings us back to the Christmas story and since Christmas is only a few short days away...I will share it with you. 

Put yourself in Mary's shoes. A young lady...a virgin might I add, was told she pregnant and that she was going to have a baby and he would be given the name Jesus because he would save us from our sins. Do you think Mary said well here I will grow up, an angel will appear to me, and then you know I will just give birth to the son of God. Doubt it. In fact, I bet Mary had plans...as any girl her age does. I bet she planned on getting married to a godly man, having babies, raising them...blah, blah, blah. You get it. [Sounds like me ;)] But she trusted God. She had faith in him. Mary was willing to put everything aside even though she would be judged because she knew that she was following what the Lord had planned for her.

And Joseph, lets not forget about this man. He was willing to be ridiculed because he knew that what he was doing was of God. He was willing. He trusted.

[God's] Perfect plan for you is when you are allowing him to change you.

Scripture doesn't change. But the way the Lord reveals it to us does. 

Are you willing to proclaim the name of Jesus? Share His story this Christmas? Share the Gospel...and a great way to spread Jesus is to share your testimony. Your story, from death to life. 

Read Isaiah 55. Click on the link :)

As the wise men saw a bright and shining star in the sky and walked toward it to find baby Jesus, look for a star of guidance in your own life, and be willing to follow wherever I [Jesus] leads you. 

~Jesus Calling : Sarah Young

I leave you with my all time favorite verse...yes, I do say that about most verses but just hear me out. {Romans 1:16}

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, 

because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes."

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places [Isaiah 58:9-14]

Have you ever felt empty? Like you have nothing to give, nothing to offer? Maybe you feel like nothing. Like you have been pushed to the side. Maybe you just don't feel like yourself. You are depressed instead of happy. You can't celebrate others joys because of your emptiness. I'm right there with you. Feeling the exact same way. 

With the holidays right around the corner, I see and feel the emptiness in life. If you live in an average American home, like me, you were raised to make a Christmas list. Make a list of presents that will make you happy for a good two days and then will be stored away for the rest of the year until you ask for something similar and your parents say to you, "but you never use it, I am not going to buy you another one." We were taught that Christmas morning is a happy morning. The season is a happy season full of presents. [It is a happy season, I love it.] But, where is the life in these presents? I see emptiness.

This whole week of Thanksgiving I have been feeling empty. Like dry bones. Especially on Thanksgiving I was not myself. I stayed in my room. Sitting, pondering, sleeping, not being social... I couldn't bear doing things. After the big old Thanksgiving meal at my cousins house, all I wanted to do was to go home and lay in my bed. Disclaimer, I am not sick. But, this was and is not me. The extroverted, joy-filled Meghan was not there one bit. I tried to put on a face but it didn't work. Not this time at least. This morning I woke up and still felt the same was but my heart was empty more than anything. I listened to this song by Audrey Assad on my way to Starbucks, came home sat on my bed, opened my devotional for today [Jesus Calling by Sarah Young] and Jesus spoke to me. I opened up the Bible verses that were at the bottom of today's devotional in NIV & Message. There it was in Isaiah 58, the truth I needed to hear, truth I need to fill my empty heart.

"I will always show you where to go. I'll give you life in the emptiest of places- firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry" {Isaiah 58--MSG}

We shall not want anything else but the love of Jesus on our Christmas List. So as people are still shopping on this Black Friday, take time for Jesus. He is the best gift anyone could ask for and the best part is that your heart will be filled not empty. 

Waiting.

Waiting. Let's be honest no one really likes to wait on something, wait for something. We all have a tendency to be impatient. Right now, that's me. When I feel called to be somewhere or do something, I like to do it right away. I tend to be the spontaneous one which can be good is someways and bad in others. For example, I randomly decided to get my haircut. Bad choice, BAD choice. But, recently I have learned that the Lord wants me to wait. He wants me, Little Miss Impatient, to be patient. And boy, oh boy is he taking his precious time. Part of it is nature too.

Way back when in September at the beginning of my college application process, I didn't know where I was going to apply. Take that back, I had an idea but didn't feel like that is where Jesus was leading me. I decided to pray, alone at first, where the Lord wanted me. After four consistent weeks of prayer, Jesus revealed himself to me. He wants me to be in the South. With hints everywhere, from newspaper articles, to sermons, to music, to EVERYTHING, the city of Atlanta was calling my name. I was A-okay with this. I felt like I could pack up and move the next day. But, I am still in high school and still live with my parents. Bummer. Time for patience.

Ever since those days of hearing and seeing the city of Atlanta everywhere, they still appeared. It didn't stop...it got a little weird at times. I prayed and prayed. I finally opened up to my best friend about this. She knows me very well and although I thought she would be like no you are just thinking that, she prayed about it. I have no idea what her actual thoughts were during this time but I'm guessing they were nothing like mine. A couple of days later I received a text from her that would change my life forever. The text that read, "I could see you there in the South. I'm serious." Her opinion means so much to me and I know that she leaned on the Lord for this answer too. At that moment I couldn't believe it.

I dream. Really, I do. I have a BIG imagination which is great for a lot of things like random ideas, party-planning, etc. But, imagining my life is a whole other story. For the first time, I felt comfortable with the fact that I would be leaving Columbus, leaving everything I know to go to this new city. I had dreams almost every night of being in the city of Atlanta, loving Jesus. My heart was so heavy on this, I just wanted to leave and go. I saw myself living life for Jesus, serving him and raising a family in this city.

After opening up to some of the closest people in my life, family and friends, EVERYONE I talked to saw me in the South, saw me in Atlanta, saw me in a city I feel called to. I continue to pray about this and with only six months left of high school and a big college decision to be made soon, my answer will be coming and more of his will be too.

Now, I have to wait and pray. I invite you to join me on this journey Jesus has me on.

"Waiting isn't wasting when you are waiting on the Lord"

[read this the other day on twitter and it basically described my life]

Airports.

There is somethings about airports that I love and somethings about airports that I dislike. But, in general airports are my happy place. 

This may sound odd, I know but it's true. I love airports. I love the excitement of traveling and adventures, the excitement of getting on an airplane, the joy of putting my cell phone away for a couple of hours just so I can breathe and experience. I also love airports because sometimes when you arrive at them you pick people up such as family and friends. My heart gets excited when I pull up to Baggage Claim because typically that means I'm picking someone up and about to have a good time.

But, there is another side to airports. Somethings that I dislike. For example, dropping off people at the airport. It can be scary some days, I know but sometimes letting go is what you have to do. I hate to think about this side and don't really want to go into it now but I do know that this side doesn't bring me joy, happiness, or adventure.

I know you are probably wondering why I am blogging about airports, I mean seriously Meghan what's your problem, girl? But, this is why:

Have you ever been frustrated/mad at something you can't do anything about?

For example, I can't drive until I'm 16 or something crazy like that.

Well, that was me a few weeks ago. Frustrated and angry. I couldn't understand why I was being punished for being young. For being looked down upon and for not being able to hang out with my best friend because I wasn't 18. [nothing illegal was happening...just putting that out there] Here I had the longest day of my life, struggling with everything and the one time I need my best friend she is in town. Yay! But, no. Age hits me once again. And it's not her fault, not mine, not the Lord's. In fact it's no one's fault. It's society. I decided to drive out to the airport that night. I turned off my cell phone, told no one where I was going, and took an adventure of my own. I wasn't scared at all which was a first but I learned so many things that night. I drove around the airport for a good thirty minutes up, down, and all around. I finally parked my car in a parking lot and sat there, opened my Bible, worship music playing in the background, and journaling about my life. As I watched planes take off, I felt like I could breathe more. I felt free. 

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." {1 Peter 5:7}

That night, I felt Jesus lift my heart. And oh, how it was amazing. I needed Jesus. I needed life. I needed him to show me he was there. And there he was, right there.

Let me continue to share how Jesus has been working in my life lately, showing me that he is so faithful.

[this connected to my life--sorry if it didn't make sense]

Time flies.

How can it already be the middle of October?! WHAT? No. Please, no!! 

September flew by way to fast and ever since school started back in August, I feel like I have been go, go, go. Non-stop. From nannying to school there is always something going on. I feel like a bad "blogger" for not having posted a whole lot and what's worse is that I can barely remember what happened in the last few weeks of September. Yikes.

But, anyways. October arrived and who knew that this would be the month of stress. Typically, fall is easy going. I have time to bake on weekends and sometimes week nights if I'm lucky. Lately, I have not been feeling that way. It must be something about your senior year that every little thing becomes stressful. Plus, I am not good with change. So, here I am. All of my transcript forms are due tomorrow morning at 8:05 am. It's crazy that tomorrow my hopefully (fingers crossed) future school will know who I am. It's a really weird thought if you ask me!

But, as I said...I'm always busy. So, I wanted to post a little something to my readers...that is if I have any anymore! My best friend surprised me by coming home early for fall break last night and my other best friend comes home tonight. So, I am logging off to go hear about college and enjoy my best friends while they are in my presence! 

xoxo,

Megs