Oh dear...where do I begin?
Summer is almost here. YAY! (I think) Right?
I think I am more excited about not having to attend school and do my homework every night. Instead, I can enjoy doing things...woah, woah, woah...I said enjoy??
Here are my thought on this summer....(be ready for my emotional baggage):
Fear. No excitement. Heavy heart. Let me explain. Fear. Oh goodness, I can't wait for the last bell to ring before summer because I don't want school but yet I don't want summer...you are probably like who is this weird teenage girl who doesn't want summer?(I am think the same thing too) Fear is holding me back from being excited for what this summer has to hold because let me tell you it will not be boring. There are a lot of things in my life right now that I should be excited for/ act like I am excited for but I fear the days ahead and what lie in them. I fear the month of July as my best friend leaves for a month for a scholarship program. I fear August because that is when my two best friends leave for college. I am afraid because I don't like change and not having your best friends live right around the corner is a bummer. (I know this sounds really selfish--but I want them to enjoy college and what God has planned for their future but I am afraid because I don't know what is going on in mine.)
No excitement... I sort of explained it a little bit already but I am not exactly excited for everything I pretend to be excited about... like some of my FAVORITE things in the whole world (I hate to say this but I think it is Satan). Here are some examples...VBS, Student Life at the Beach Conference, Camp 56 counselor...etc. I LOVE all of those things yet I am not excited in fact there are days where I don't want to go and then I want to go...then there are days when I want to serve and days that I don't want to serve. Weird, confusing, frustrating....that's it. I am going to do all of these things first off because I love them. I always have enjoyed these things...they all tend to be the highlights of my summer! Second, because Satan will not ruin this, this only means God is doing some BIG, BIG things that Satan doesn't want to happen.
Heavy heart. Well, I hate to burden others and with all of this fear and no excitement makes me think that I have been a burden to people. Seriously that is all I have to say. I don't want to be selfish, I don't want to burden other people.
So with this information about my life and summer thoughts, please pray.
I leave you with this verse that always comes to my mind when I start to fear something.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6
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